it is hard

so...today started great. felt fine. strong, even.

then i went out with my hubby to run errands and immediately started to feel sore and nauseus and painful.

came home, and in a bit, started to get sick. first time i really felt like vomiting since this whole surgery thing, and first time dry heaving.

yes i know, TMI

i'm very, very discouraged right now. i know, i know that it is still early days for me. and i'm still healing. but my gosh this is tough. and i knew it would be. i'm not expecting any of this to be easy. i really didn't. but living it and being prepared for it are two different things.

yes, i know that the result is worth it (in a year) but right now, it is SO HARD to get through each day.

i know you all have been there, and gone through it. and looking at the positive is a better way to be. but, right now, i'm just so SICK of being sick and tired all the time.

i know it gets better.

i know all these things. logically and intellectually i grasp it.

it's just physically and emotionally it hasn't quite hit yet.

i told a support person i would keep a blog/journal so that i could look back when i've hit my goal at how hard it was and how bad i felt and can compare it to how good i feel (when i hit goal). it is helping to "write" it down. but...if only it could help with the nausea, dry heaving, gagging down the protein drinks, and despondency.

some days i don't know how i'll make it thru to another day. i just want to curl up with my cat and disappear.

honestly, i knew it was going to be tough. but i didn't expect it to be THIS tough.

i know, i know. carry on. look forward, not backwards. be positive. do my best. keep on trucking.