sick. sucks.

been very, very sick this weekend. and very, very depressed.

started the dry heaving and nausea on saturday and didn't let up...well it hasn't let up yet.

it is possible that it is from not getting in enough water. i admit i've not been as good at it since my mom left. it is hard when it makes you nauseus. but they say i'm nauseus because i'm not getting in the water. go figure. it is hard to get the protein shake down, still, too.

so, now i'm focusing on water. because if i get dehydrated, i'll have to go into the hospital for iv's of fluid, and they may have a hard time trying to find a vein to get the iv in if i'm dehydrated...and after the last 4 episodes of being poked, i don't want to experience that again. i still have bruises at my veins from the iv from the hospital during surgery. i'm one of those people that it hurts even when it isn't supposed to. i can feel it in my arm.

so, i'm exhausted, down, and...just not feeling good at all. sure, i'm losing weight, but at what cost right now? i'm not sure it is worth it.

they say between week 8 and 12 i will feel a switch flip and will feel great.

6 more weeks to go!

it is hard

so...today started great. felt fine. strong, even.

then i went out with my hubby to run errands and immediately started to feel sore and nauseus and painful.

came home, and in a bit, started to get sick. first time i really felt like vomiting since this whole surgery thing, and first time dry heaving.

yes i know, TMI

i'm very, very discouraged right now. i know, i know that it is still early days for me. and i'm still healing. but my gosh this is tough. and i knew it would be. i'm not expecting any of this to be easy. i really didn't. but living it and being prepared for it are two different things.

yes, i know that the result is worth it (in a year) but right now, it is SO HARD to get through each day.

i know you all have been there, and gone through it. and looking at the positive is a better way to be. but, right now, i'm just so SICK of being sick and tired all the time.

i know it gets better.

i know all these things. logically and intellectually i grasp it.

it's just physically and emotionally it hasn't quite hit yet.

i told a support person i would keep a blog/journal so that i could look back when i've hit my goal at how hard it was and how bad i felt and can compare it to how good i feel (when i hit goal). it is helping to "write" it down. but...if only it could help with the nausea, dry heaving, gagging down the protein drinks, and despondency.

some days i don't know how i'll make it thru to another day. i just want to curl up with my cat and disappear.

honestly, i knew it was going to be tough. but i didn't expect it to be THIS tough.

i know, i know. carry on. look forward, not backwards. be positive. do my best. keep on trucking.

I'm OK

two days ago i had to make a trip to the ER because of some pain in my stomach/abdomen area.

after a ct scan and 8 hrs later, i'm fine.

had a problem also with my mouth - pain and swelling in my gums. but i'm ok. just have to work it thru.

i've been totally overly emotional lately, too. i have done lots of reading and stuff and this is totally normal. i'm purging toxins from my body, so i'm also purging emotions. getting rid of old thoughts and feelings.

this is truly a transformation of many many sorts.

i'm doing ok, and i'm healing. but i have to give myself a break, and realize this is not like having lap band surgery....it is going to take me more than 2 wks to feel better and to be healed.

i'll keep you posted. i'm doing just fine though!

MOUTH PAIN!!!

it is either thrush, trench mouth or necrotic gingivitis. but, whatever it is, i look like marlon brando and am in complete agony.

surgery? what surgery? my mouth is on fire and throbbing and i want to die!!!!!!

New Me

this will be a blog tracking my journey after weight loss surgery. mostly, i will use it to post my pictures along the way, so that when i reach my goal, i will be able to look back and see how far i've come.