Sunday, April 13, 2008

more pictures

this is me and ian, my mom's 3 yr old bi-colored ragdoll. sorry about the redeye for both of us. ian has gorgeous deep turquoise eyes. me? just green.

ridiculous grin, and my arms look big here, but that's just the sleeve. doesn't show off the waist, but it isn't a great pic.

strained goofy smile for the camera. see how much i love getting pictures taken? LOL

broke down, took pictures

i didn't like doing it, but i think it was necessary. so, here are some pictures.

first the old me,

and now, the new me!

and the new me with a forced cheesy smile

me and sophie, my mom's 2 yr old balinese

i am not fond of photos of myself, but...i don't want to throw up when i see them, anymore.

went to the outlet stores in grove city with my mom on friday for several hours. almost cleared out j crew, eddie bauer, and liz claiborne. :) that was fun. well...i hate shopping, but it was fun buying new clothes that look nice on me and that were a size smaller than i expected to be wearing, in all 3 stores. oh, and i walked into liz claiborne woman - and they chased me out with a "you know, this is a plus-size woman's store, you can find the regular liz claiborne store around the corner. " heh heh!

also, saw an old friend on friday night. make that an old boyfriend. blew his mind ;)

that was also good for the soul.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

It's All About The Clothes

i've been resisting buying new clothes. last time i did, it was the end of december, and i had been wearing all my size 24 clothes up until then - which would not do for my trip to FLA with the MIL. i needed decent things to wear in public that weren't falling off my body. i also didn't want to spend a lot of money, as these items would soon be outgrown, too. so, since about that time, i've lost probably another 45 lbs or so. these newest items were starting to look huge and ridiculous on me. it's tough, because i only have between 20 or 25 lbs to go, and i don't want to spend much as the same thing will happen once i reach goal - everything will be too big. but, alas, i need to find a few things that fit that i can wear out in public and not look ridiculous.

my idea right now, since it is spring, yet still cold where i live, was to get a pair of jeans, and a jean jacket perhaps. the tops i have i can still wear under the jean jacket even if they're a little big. and maybe i'll pick up one or two lightweight tops for spring - summer as well. we'll see.

this weekend, hank and i went to a little swanky shopping area to check out some fashion. in this area were Ann Taylor Loft, Chicos, something called Black Market White Something (looks like all the clothes are black and/or white) Talbots and Coldwater Creek. i've ordered stuff from CC before and liked the quality. However...walking into this store was an eyeopener. every person in there was well over 50, except for the employees. i did see 2 things i liked - but they were A) too fancy for my lifestyle right now and B)very, very spendy. so, we backed out of that store and moved on. makes no sense to buy something that expensive if i'm only going to be able to wear it for a couple more months. On to the other stores. Looked in the window at the B/W store - meh. not enough of a draw to get me to go in. and Chicos looked like a lot of cruisewear or something, so i didn't go in there, either. i didn't even look at talbots - because, growing up i always associated talbots with my mom, or with women in the workforce. i am not that right now, so i'm not going in. that left the Ann Taylor Loft. i had high hopes. but...meh. it wasn't the same as a regular Ann Taylor store. nothing except black patent leather flip flops caught my eye.

here's the thing. i'm going to be 40. i'm all about looking age appropriate. i find it a little sad when women don't pay attention to that and shop in the Juniors department after age 30 whether or not they can fit in those clothes. i mean...c'mon, who are you fooling? no one. and you end up looking ridiculous and people are sad for you. so. i looked around at all the women shopping...and they were all in their 50s or 60s. ok. i'm only a decade off, THIS what is age appropriate for me?? it made me a little sad. i'm all for preppiness and classic classy clothing. but, is this my demographic now?? i'm thinking it doesn't have to be. i identify more with the J.Jill clothing and who they're marketing to as well as JCrew and Eddie Bauer. Even Nordstroms, which we dont have nearby.'s all so complicated. when did this get complicated??

add to that that i don't know what size i am. and yeah, i realize it varies from manufacturer to manufacturer, but still. i believe i'm a 16 in pants and a 14 in tops. and they say always dress the biggest part of you (which now is a little paunch on my midsection and hip area. used to be my boobs were the largest part, well, as well as my ass, more!) but it is complicated. if i'm in the misses department (which i think is age appropriate, i think. according to my friend in the business) i would be probably wearing an 18 on bottom, 16 on top. but if i'm in the women's department, i'm either a 1x, or a 16W on bottom, 14W on top. WHY?? can't things just be the same sizing across the board?? why must it be so difficult to understand (well, maybe not for everyone, but it is for me!)

in the meantime, yesterday i went to Sears. yes, Sears. specifically looking for levi jeans for women. and, i found them!!! i haven't been able to get into levis since high school - and i have a bit of snootery (made that up - it means snooty, but as a noun) that levis are the only jeans to wear or else you're not cool. it was like that in high school, and since then, i still believe it. LOL. anyhoo - i love them. i'd have loved them more if they were an even darker wash...but they're ok. medium wash, slight stretch in the fabric, with a bit of a crosshatch texture/pattern to them and NOT any of that gross yellow treatment on jeans that you see these days - i think it makes them look dirty and it grosses me out. so these are medium rise, medium length, medium wash jeans...(boy levis has changed in 20 yrs. didn't have all these options back then!) they're not the skinny jeans or tapered jeans. just a slight boot cut, nice line for the leg. and i'm absolutely thrilled. i took 2 pair in the dressing room not knowing which size would fit me, and i put on the smaller size first - and voila! those are the jeans i left the store with!! :) yay me!! not saying what size - but take my word for it, i haven't seen this size in over 20 yrs, either! it was tough to leave sears because they were having this great sale on what seemed to be every item of clothing in every department 60% off already marked down prices. i left with the jeans and one top that turned out to be $10. i could have done some serious damage there, but i restrained myself. plus, i was so excited about the jeans i couldn't wait to get home to put them on!! when H came home, i put them on for him and he nearly cried. (he's emotional about my weightloss and has been my biggest supporter aside from my mom) he kept asking me to turn around so he could see the back. and he said to me "oh my god! my wife has a nice ass!!! look at that!" LOL, too funny.

my mom and i are going to the grove city outlets next friday to check out some clothes, see what kind of deals i can find. i can't wait.

Friday, March 7, 2008

CindyDianne reminded me!

thanks for the reminder cindydianne!

everything went great last week with the surgeon appointment.

he didn't recognize me. :)

i got the ok to eat anything on the south beach diet, he recommended stage 3 (which i hadn't tried yet...have to get the book back out!) and that i introduce things slowly. i can't know what will or what will not agree with me. so it will be slow going.

he told me that the weightloss will go slower now that i'm introducing more foods so i don't need to worry about losing too much, or going below my desired weight. he says that rarely happens...but understood that my weightloss has been so quick, moreso than the norm, and still quick now that i'm doing all this yoga and weight/resistance training. so, he's not concerned. he said that if i find that happens, up the carbs and fat...but not the sugars. that's what's going to make me sick. i have to watch the sugar alchols, too.

my next appointment isn't until september! that's when we discuss what is needed as far as any surgery for extra skin etc. he has someone he refers people to that is realistic and not too aggressive as far as what he does. that's what i want. if i have to have a tummy tuck or lift or whatever it is, i don't want to look strapped in. i want to look reasonable. boobs? well, that's a given. they will need to be totally reconstructed. even now they're absolutely ridiculous.

125lbs lost for good. perhaps 25 more to make goal. go me!

Monday, February 25, 2008

really really shrinking and friday better hurry

ok. 121 lbs gone.

this is freaking me out.

my primary doc says i need to shoot for 150-155 for my height to be at a healthy weight. ok. so, that's like less than 25lbs away. and it is coming off FAST. i lost 6 in this past week.

luckily, i have an appointment with my surgeon this friday. the 6 month out appointment. first time seeing him in 3 months. i have LOTS of questions. like, when does the weight loss stop? how does the body know? does the body know to stop??

i'm afraid, and never thought i'd say this, that i might lose too much. i never asked about the stopping of the weight loss because frankly i thought that i wouldn't even lose all i wanted to. so this was never a question on my mind. laughable?? kinda. but a little scary at this point.

i am doing lots at the gym and lots at the yoga studio. i guess i have to up the food intake. i'm hoping to hear i will have more options to try now. like broccoli, asparagus, LETTUCES (oh please let me have a salad, PLEASE!) because i'm just dying for more stuff. i have a lot of food questions. so, i'm looking forward to friday.

not so much looking forward to tomorrow when i have to go get bloodwork done.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

More Breakthroughs

i went home for a few days. home, being sewickley. where my mom and best friend live. best friend is going through some hard times. she's dealing with a mom who has ALS, and declining quickly. she is being moved into assisted living. i went to help her with her kids, and with helping her pack up her mom's things, and go thru things for goodwill. it was hard. sad visit on many levels. and i didn't want to leave, but i had to come home.


i ordered a pair of jeans online from a site i had ordered from many times over the years...and they were had been a while since i had ordered it - 2 months. they were a size 20 and showed up while i was gone. they're too big! i have to send them back!!!

AND i needed a coat, so i borrowed one from my mom. nice, london fog, soft black raincoat. SIZE 14!! and it FIT! too long for her, she's several inches shorter than me at 5'3", i'm 5'7".

ok, there's no way i'm a size 14. i'm not. i'm wearing an 18 now. i can prove it. i went and tried something on the other day with my mom. BUT i can wear her size 14 raincoat with no problem. just goes to show you that size varies from company to company.

who cares? i'll take it!

Thursday, January 24, 2008


haven't felt much like posting anything in a long time. it has been a hard road.

until today.

midday, decided to step on the scale. first time in a few weeks. usually i weigh myself once a week, in the morning first thing, after going to the bathroom, while naked. but today, i did it midday, after breakfast and lunch, with clothes on.

i have been doing strength/weight and resistance training at the gym along with cardio. as well, i've been moving along in my yoga at the yoga studio. love the yoga, hate the cardio, love the other training.

figured i wouldn't have lost much because i'm re-gaining muscle, since i'm working out.

well. i've lost 5 more lbs. and guess what? this is more important than the losing of 5 lbs.

my total weight loss to date is 102lbs.

i can't believe it!

i have a ways to go (50, maybe 55lbs) but i can't believe it!

no new pictures yet - sorry.

wait, here's one. that's trish, my best friend, on the left.