More Breakthroughs

i went home for a few days. home, being sewickley. where my mom and best friend live. best friend is going through some hard times. she's dealing with a mom who has ALS, and declining quickly. she is being moved into assisted living. i went to help her with her kids, and with helping her pack up her mom's things, and go thru things for goodwill. it was hard. sad visit on many levels. and i didn't want to leave, but i had to come home.

so....

i ordered a pair of jeans online from a site i had ordered from many times over the years...and they were backordered...it had been a while since i had ordered it - 2 months. they were a size 20 and showed up while i was gone. they're too big! i have to send them back!!!

AND i needed a coat, so i borrowed one from my mom. nice, london fog, soft black raincoat. SIZE 14!! and it FIT! too long for her, she's several inches shorter than me at 5'3", i'm 5'7".

ok, there's no way i'm a size 14. i'm not. i'm wearing an 18 now. i can prove it. i went and tried something on the other day with my mom. BUT i can wear her size 14 raincoat with no problem. just goes to show you that size varies from company to company.

who cares? i'll take it!

UNBELIEVABLE

haven't felt much like posting anything in a long time. it has been a hard road.

until today.

midday, decided to step on the scale. first time in a few weeks. usually i weigh myself once a week, in the morning first thing, after going to the bathroom, while naked. but today, i did it midday, after breakfast and lunch, with clothes on.

i have been doing strength/weight and resistance training at the gym along with cardio. as well, i've been moving along in my yoga at the yoga studio. love the yoga, hate the cardio, love the other training.

figured i wouldn't have lost much because i'm re-gaining muscle, since i'm working out.

well. i've lost 5 more lbs. and guess what? this is more important than the losing of 5 lbs.

my total weight loss to date is 102lbs.

i can't believe it!

i have a ways to go (50, maybe 55lbs) but i can't believe it!

no new pictures yet - sorry.

wait, here's one. that's trish, my best friend, on the left.

you want pictures??

ok, this was taken by me on sunday. i clean the litter box, do laundry, etc (things i don't like to do) while wearing my tiara. this day was no exception. only i hadn't showered or even brushed my hair. so, this is just a headshot - you're not going to be able to see my full bod yet to see for yourselves that the 85 pounds are gone...but that's too bad. OH WELL. i'll get a full bod pic soon.

it's me!

feeling much better.

many pounds lost.

must post a picture soon.

down about 85lbs. EEK!!

update

repeated from rebecca at large

2 days ago i was at the hospital, again, from 9am to 7pm. blood taken, iv fluids given (including potassium which i was seriously lacking!) another ct scan and more xrays. nothing was found in any of it. that would seem like good news, but it doesn't help explain why i'm so sick and feel so horrible and in pain when i'm conscious.

i made an appointment for next friday for an endoscopy so they can look and see if there's something amiss that they couldn't find in the other snapshots. and, they will blow open my "pouch" (the new stomach) to make it less tight - in hopes that that will make me feel better. i hope it works.

needless to say, i'm not sleeping because i can't get comfortable. pain all over my torso, especially around my ribcage and in between my ribcage where the pouch is. i'm constantly (TMI ALERT!) puking up "foam" (saliva) and it is getting harder and harder to drink water. oh yeah, i haven't had anything in the way of food since last thursday. i could care less about that - but the water thing really bothers me. water is starting to taste bad to me (did you know water had a taste??) i've been drinking aquafina - which used to taste the best to me! and i tried the cold water from the fridge dispenser. that too tasted weird. almost sweet. today i'm drinking evian - and cold, it is ok...but room temp - it isn't. problem is, cold doesn't work for my pouch.

all this has me so depressed...you don't even know. and there's nothing anyone can do for me. so this is creating stress at home. hubby is very, very stressed out. i keep telling him if i could will this away, i would. and that i'm not doing this TO him. if i could feel better - god, i would in a second. i don't enjoy this.

yeah, i've lost 84 lbs. great. i'd gain them all back to feel better.

thank you for all of your well-wishes and prayers. please, please keep them coming.

until then, here's the beeb.

i know i'm not keeping up with this

i haven't been taking pictures or blogging.

i've been feeling like crap. that's the truth.

however, i've lost almost exactly 80 lbs.

i can't enjoy it. there have been about 5 days total since 8/7 that i've felt good.

so.

that's the update.

1 month pic

hard to tell, but between the first pic on this blog, and this pic (not a great shot of me, i'm aware...no makeup, not standing straight, don't have a great bra on...i just don't care these days) i have lost about 40 lbs. between the lost 20lbs prior to my surgery, and today, my total loss is almost 60 lbs. not that i care, honestly. i'm exhausted, and tired of being sick and tired. spent yesterday in the hospital getting more IV fluids, same as friday. i feel better today, but i'm holding my breath because i've felt this way before only to slide back into misery in a day. so...i'm not counting my chickens.

i am angry with the tv because it is filling my head hunger. all the stouffer's and lean cuisine ads for their chicken asiago panini's (which i've loved for like a year) as well as tyson chicken strips ads, and the new pizza hut ads with dipping sauce pizza (CHRIST, satan is out to get me, i swear) is making me absolutely crazy. i'm not an idiot. i know those things are part of what got me here today. but being here today, i don't CARE about the weight loss. i wish i hadn't done it and could live a normal life. do you know i haven't had anything but liquids pass these lips (except for a few dry stray cheerios) for 5 weeks???? anyone who thinks this surgery is the easy way out is out of their mind.